When your income hits six figures but your savings hit zero, something is off. At least that’s how one man sees it—and now he’s ready to ditch the snacks, the streaming, and maybe even the shirts.
In a Reddit post titled “AITAH for giving my wife an ultimatum about her ‘job’?”, a man says he wanted to—and exploited financially. He earns $100,000 in Salt Lake County, Utah, their mortgage is $2,200 a month, and the cars are paid off. But thanks to rising costs, he says, “we’re still bleeding money.”
His wife, who was a nurse, has been a stay-at-home mom for more than six years. Two years ago, inspired by her sister’s success, she started a T-shirt business on Etsy. The result?
“As far as I know, net $0—unless you spend in ways I don’t know about,” he wrote.
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Meanwhile, spending has not decreased. He says he’ll drop $300 on a kid’s birthday, then asks him for grocery money days later. The pantry, he adds, is full of “exorbitant snacks that I never touch.” Her mother often covers big-ticket outings, which he believes is giving an unrealistic sense of what their lifestyle should look like.
“I love my children,” he wrote, “but if we can’t pay for it, we shouldn’t do it. My wife can’t understand that.”
He says the real tipping point was her business draining time and energy while producing nothing in return—”not being a homemaker because you’re investing in this fruitless business.” After 1.6 years of proof of continued support, he gave her a two-year deadline: either bring in the revenue, or take full control of spending.
Now that the deadline has arrived, he is ready to act.
“I’m not going to make her stop. But I’m going to cut out Netflix, Amazon, etc. I’m going to do the shopping and I’m not buying the snacks that she always gets. I’ll do the cooking if I have to.”
Commentators asked what her response was when she brought up their depleted savings. He bluntly replied, “I brought it all up and she gets defensive, saying I need to trust the process.”
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That’s where patience ends.
Reddit users responded with a mix of finance-focused advice and blunt assessments. One urged to “pull your credit reports” because “its costs may be worse than you think.” Another suggested limiting access to joint accounts and assigning her a grocery budget “before it breaks you.”
But not everyone saw it as that simple. Some have pointed out that she may not understand the math until it is visualized—offering advice like putting bills and income with Monopoly money to drive the point home. Others have noted that her mother’s generosity may be distorting her sense of financial reality—she is living as if she is using her mother’s money, not her husband’s.
Many also asked if she could go back to nursing. He confirmed that her license is active and that their youngest is in school, making a part-time return possible. A fellow RN even said she earns “$600–$900 a week working school hours.”
A few pushed for tough love, warning that financial stress is one of the fastest routes to divorce. And yes, some said he is right to take control. “She clearly has no understanding of how to manage money, so it’s best if she takes over,” wrote one.
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Still, in a marriage—especially one strained by money and resentment—”taking the reins” isn’t always as simple as Reddit makes it out to be.
The man insists that he is not trying to dominate the relationship. “I don’t want to come off as a controlling guy,” he said. But the issue isn’t just dollars—it’s agency, trust, and who gets to define what “work” looks like.
Devil’s advocate? She is trying. Keeping an active nursing license for more than six years shows that you have not closed the door on returning to work. And while the Etsy business has not produced any income, it can represent more than just T-shirts—it is independence, identity, or an attempt to contribute without abandoning its role as a parent.
But at the end of the day, he is the one staring at the empty bank account. He is working full time, along with a side gig, and is afraid of what would happen if even one paycheck stopped. “If I lost my job, we’d be in big trouble,” he wrote.
Marriage counseling can help. So can a spreadsheet. But at some point, he says, words stop working. And if that two-year clock has just run out, it’s time to stop wondering—and start budgeting.
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This article Man Making $100K Says He’s ‘Bleeding Money’ While Ex-Nurse Spends Free And Brings In $0—He’s Issuing An Ultimatum On Her ‘Job’ originally appeared on Benzinga.com
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